The Evils of Pie
by I. H. Scribe
Summary: Sherlock gets a surprise when he goes snooping in the new neighbor's apartment.
1. Apple Pie and Cherry Pie

Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter

Characters: Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter

Prompt: Apple pie

Prompt Made By: I. H. Scribe

Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless _I. H. Scribe_ is listed after _Prompt Made By_ chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

* * *

After the War ended, Harry Potter decided he needed a nice quiet life, away from the press, well-wishers, and most importantly Ginny bloody Weasley. Well, it wasn't Ginny herself that was the problem. She and Harry had decided that they had outgrown one another and officially officially (as opposed to the unofficially officially end at the end of Harry's sixth year) ended the relationship.

Molly, Ron, Hermione, and the majority of the Wizards thought it was only a matter of time before they got back together. Anytime they were so much as mentioned in the same sentence (not to mention actually being in the same general vicinity of the other), they were both told repeatedly how perfect they would be together if they would just stop dragging their feet.

Ginny, who had six boyfriends at Hogwarts, not counting Harry, had attempted to date casually. But any time she showed more than platonic interest in someone, they mentioned that she was with Harry. Harry had also attempted to go on a few dates, but got the same response.

Ginny had eventually found a foreign wizard, who whisked her off to Australia. Harry was then told repeatedly that he should go win her back. So it was definitely time to move. And, by luck, he found a small flat that was nice, but not too expensive for him. Ten minutes later he and Mrs. Hudson, the landlady, signed the paperwork, and Harry Potter was the new resident of 221C Baker Street.

Harry decided to try his hand at baking. When the coffee shop next door went out of business, he got in a nasty bidding war with a sub chain, but came out the victor. Two months later, Lunar Snowfall Sweets held its grand opening. Mrs. Hudson was his first customer, and within a week he was raking in the profits as more and more customers came to buy his cakes, cookies, pies, and homemade candies.

He barely noticed six months later when a Mr. Holmes and Dr. Watson moved in upstairs. He did notice when Mr. Holmes began breaking into his flat repeatedly. And a plan came to Harry. An ingenious, evil plan. And when Harry left for work one morning, Mr. Holmes took the bait.

* * *

Sherlock was curious about the downstairs neighbor. It was a feeling he was very much unaccustomed to. And as the man himself was rarely around, Sherlock took it upon himself to pick the man's lock. And really, if the man were really trying to keep someone out, he'd invest in better locks. His bakery next door was obviously doing well if the plasma TV and state of the art computer were any indication, so he could certainly afford it.

But this time, something new adorned the normally blank walls. In the kitchen, hanging above the sink, there was a painting. It opened on a hinge, revealing a brand new, very shiny safe. Sherlock couldn't help himself, and began to crack the code. It wouldn't be hard for him.

2-21-3

Not very hard at all. C was the third letter of the alphabet, hence the 3, and the man really shouldn't have made the code the address. When he opened the door of the safe, Sherlock's mind barely managed to get out 'Why is there a pie?' before-

SPLAT!

The apple pie in the safe nailed him in the face. Sherlock stood dumbstruck for a few moments before glaring at the safe and storming out of the flat.

* * *

Later that evening, Mrs. Hudson introduced him to Harry Potter. The man tilted his head and then smirked.

"Have any pie lately, Mr. Holmes?" Harry asked. Sherlock glared at him. Mrs. Hudson remained oblivious.

"Oh you must try some, Sherlock. He's a wonderful cook."

"I tried the apple earlier. It wasn't to my taste." The cinnamon smell took three washings to get out of his hair.

"Perhaps, you'd prefer the cherry." Harry said.

"I sincerely doubt it and have no intention of trying it."

"Oh? And why not. I assure you Mr. Holmes, all my pies are _safe_." Harry wore a grin as he said this, and John finally caught on that there was a hidden meaning behind their words.

"I won't be so easily tricked the next time, Mr. Potter," Sherlock said as he walked up the stairs to 221B

"Why do I get the feeling he's not talking about you tricking him into eating the pie?" John asked. Harry's only reply was to laugh.

* * *

Three days later, Sherlock picked the lock to 221C again and headed for the safe. The code was 7-31-8. The lock on the safe only went up to 50, but if one were to add a zero after the eight, it would be Potter's birthday. Sherlock ducked before opening the safe. When nothing happened, he took a peek inside the safe.

SPLAT!

A cherry pie smacked into his forehead. Sherlock gave a frustrated grunt before heading up to 221B to wash the cherry from his hair. Hopefully, it would be easier than the apple.

* * *

As always, I am accepting prompts, however, I am not accepting prompts through reviews. If you wish to give me a prompt, please see the Accepting Prompts section of my profile for instructions. Thank you.

I. H. Scribe


	2. Lemon Meringue

Fandoms: Harry Potter, Sherlock

Characters: Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes

Prompt: Lemon

Prompt Made By: GhostWalker

Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless _I. H. Scribe_ is listed after _Prompt Made By_ chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

* * *

Sherlock slowly and carefully cracked the code on the safe. Potter changed it every time, but it was always so easy to figure out. The thought that Potter might be trying to make it easy on purpose never even crossed his mind.

8-10-16

A letter cipher again – this time spelling out Potter's initials – HJP. Sherlock shook his head at the ease of guessing the combination. The safe opened.

Sherlock, rather than peeking as he did last time, placed his hand in front of the open safe, then quickly removed it. Another cherry pie shot out of the safe, and landed on the counter behind him.

"Ha!" Sherlock let out a triumphant yell.

Only for another pie – lemon meringue this time – smack into the back of his head. Sherlock turned around to see a small opening in the wall opposite the safe. He glared at the wall before storming out. John came through the door as Sherlock reached the stairs, and stared dumbfounded at him. Sherlock glared in return.

"Don't. Say. A word," Sherlock said. Sherlock stormed up the stairs, pretending he couldn't hear John at the bottom of them, laughing his head off.

* * *

GhostWalker actually had two, so keep watch for a Halloween chapter.

As always, I am accepting prompts, however, I am not accepting prompts through reviews. If you wish to give me a prompt, please see the Accepting Prompts section of my profile for instructions. Thank you.

I. H. Scribe


	3. Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Cream

Fandoms: Harry Potter, Sherlock

Characters: Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes

Prompt: Pumpkin with Whipped Cream

Prompt Made By: GhostWalker

Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless _I. H. Scribe_ is listed after _Prompt Made By_ chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

* * *

Sherlock's next chance to take a crack at the safe was on Halloween. Potter had stayed home from work the past few days, apparently preparing for his godson to stay over. The little boy, with shockingly bright pink hair, insisted on them going Trick-or-Treating. Both Potter and his godson left, dressed in brightly colored robes covered in stars, and pointy hats.

10-31-2

Sherlock was almost disappointed. Today's date? Well, close enough. He wasn't sure what the two was for, but he put it out of his mind as he opened the safe. His fingers set off the cherry pie again, and Sherlock twirled around, and then jumped to the left to avoid the lemon meringue.

Sherlock's triumph was only momentary as a metal arm came out of the wall, and threw a pumpkin pie into his face. Sherlock stared at the metal arm, trying to figure out how Potter had attached it to the wall without it being obvious to Sherlock when he first entered.

The arm shifted, pointing a nozzle at him, and fired a stream of whipped cream at him. Sherlock rushed out of the flat and up the stairs to his own, passing Mrs. Hudson on the way.

"Sherlock!? What on earth? Why are you covered in whipped cream? And is that pumpkin? Sherlock?"

* * *

Happy Halloween.

As always, I am accepting prompts, however, I am not accepting prompts through reviews. If you wish to give me a prompt, please see the Accepting Prompts section of my profile for instructions. Thank you.

I. H. Scribe


	4. An Accidental Pie-ing (Pumpkin Pie)

Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter

Characters: Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter

Prompt: Teddy catches Harry in the act of setting up a pie which makes him forget to protect himself from the pie

Prompt Made By: x Ace x Girl x Called x Ace x

Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless _I. H. Scribe_ is listed after _Prompt Made By_ chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

* * *

"Uncle Harry, what are you doing?" Teddy asked.

"Wha?" Harry said, letting go of the metal arm and getting a pumpkin pie thrown in his face. "Well, now I know how Sherlock feels," he muttered. He whispered a cleaning spell, before grabbing another pie and putting it on the arm, setting the arm back against the wall, and casting a notice-me-not charm on it.

Teddy watched this all this, very confused. "Uncle Harry?" he asked again.

"Hmm? Yes, what is it Teddy-bear?"

"What are you doing?" he repeated.

"Leaving a trap for a friend," Harry said. "Kind of like how Uncle George leaves one for Aunt Hermione sometimes."

"Oh," Teddy said. "Are we still going trick-or-treating?"

"Of course we are," Harry said, "but before we do, do you want to see something funny?"

"Uh huh," Teddy said, nodding eagerly.

"Well, my friend has already sprung the trap a few times, and I've got videos."

"Ooh," Teddy said. "Are they really funny?"

"The look on his face when he gets pied is hilariously funny," Harry assured his godson.

"Okay!"

* * *

Takes place shortly before the Pumpkin Pie chapter, timeline wise. And with at least three more chapters coming after this one, I'm removing this story's 'Complete' status. Honey pie, Sherlock finding out about the videos, and Moriarty getting pied are coming soon (maybe not in that order, though).

As always, I am accepting prompts, however, I am not accepting prompts through reviews. If you wish to give me a prompt, please see the Accepting Prompts section of my profile for instructions. Thank you.

I. H. Scribe


	5. Honey Pie

Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter

Characters: Sherlock Holmes

Prompt: honey pie

Prompt Made By: zeynel

Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless _I. H. Scribe_ is listed after _Prompt Made By_ chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

* * *

Sherlock broke into 221C yet again. He specifically looked for the metal pie-throwing arm along the wall, and found it, wondering again how he could have possibly missed it. He puzzled over the mystery for a few moments before turning to the safe.

2-23-12

Sherlock tried to think about what it could mean, but even using an letter cypher only gave the letters BWL, which didn't mean anything to him. Pausing another few moments for the new mystery, Sherlock finally opened the safe.

He dodged all the pies that had been thrown at him previously, keeping his eyes open, trying to figure out which direction the next pie would come from. He waited a few seconds after the pumpkin pie flew over his head – no whipped cream this time – but no new pie came flying at him.

Perhaps Potter had not had the time to add a new one to the collection? It surely must take time to clean up the mess the pies made – especially after they've been sitting for a few hours – and cook more pies to be placed in the trap.

Yes, that must be it. Potter just didn't have time to add a new one yet. Perhaps he would have one by tomorrow. With that thought, Sherlock began to exit the kitchen.

SPLAT!

A pie splattered across his face. Honey, judging by the bit he got in his mouth. He hadn't even been aware there was such a thing as honey pies. He wiped the pie from his eyes, so he could open them, and stared in shock at what was before him.

Another metal arm.

He exited the kitchen, looking up at the where the arm was connected to the wall. It was right above the opening that led to the kitchen. Sherlock should have seen it the moment he entered the apartment, if not before entering the kitchen to get to the safe.

So how had he missed it!?

Again!

Sherlock stood dumbstruck for several minutes, before a piece of honey pie dripped off his head and on to the carpet, reminding him of its presence. Sherlock shook his head, dislodging more pieces of pie. He'd think on his new mystery later. First, a shower.

It would, to Sherlock's displeasure, take several washings to get the sticky honey out of his hair.

* * *

Not having heard of honey pie myself, Harry just used some honey as pie filling. For all I know, that's what honey pie is anyway.

Also, it was x Ace x Girl x Called x Ace x's idea to use BWL (2-23-12) or YKW (25-11-23) for the combination code. YKW will come later. Mycroft getting his hands on the videos and getting pied himself is also coming. As is Sherlock managing to dodge all the pies only to get a nasty surprise.

As always, I am accepting prompts, however, I am not accepting prompts through reviews. If you wish to give me a prompt, please see the Accepting Prompts section of my profile for instructions. Thank you.

I. H. Scribe


	6. Videos (No Pie)

Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter

Characters: Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter

Prompt: Sherlock finds out about the videos of him getting hit with pies.

Prompt Made By: I. H. Scribe

Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless _I. H. Scribe_ is listed after _Prompt Made By_ chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

* * *

"Potter. I believe this is yours," Sherlock said, holding a giggling Teddy upside down by his ankle.

"So it is," Harry said. "Teddy, what have I told you about going to Sherlock and John's apartment without permission?"

"Sherlock does it to ours."

"And he gets pied in the face every time," Harry reminded Teddy, smirking at the disgruntled look on Sherlock's face. "Do you want him and John to start pie-ing you in the face?"

"No," Teddy said. "Can I watch the videos again?"

"What videos?" Sherlock asked.

"The ones of you getting hit with pies," Harry said. "Sure you can Teddy. Go get my laptop."

"You have videos of me getting hit with pies on your laptop?"

"No. I have videos of you getting hit with pies on YouTube. The laptop just has internet access."

"YouTube!?"

"Don't worry, dear. They're marked private. Though I do send the links to John and your brother."

"You send them to Mycroft!?"

"Got it!" Teddy said, running back into the room with Harry's laptop.

"You are an evil little cretin," Sherlock said, before turning on his heel and leaving the apartment.

* * *

Once back in his own apartment, Sherlock begun searching for the videos on YouTube – he'd find that camera and break it – only to conclude that Harry had indeed made the videos private.

An alert popped up on his email's inbox. **IlikePieInTheMornings has sent you a YouTube video!** the subject said. He clicked on the link within, watched the video, and then began laughing. There was a reason Mycroft hadn't mocked him about the pie videos yet.

Apparently Sherlock hadn't been the only Holmes to be caught in one of Harry's traps. Sherlock left a comment on the video: _I'll pay you if you can get Moriarty with the same trick._

He got Harry's reply a short time later: _Deal._

* * *

As far as I am aware, there is no actual YouTube user named IlikePieInTheMornings, and, if there is, I sincerely doubt they have any videos, private or otherwise, of Sherlock Holmes – or even just Benedict Cumberbatch – getting hit with any pies.

If there is and they do, bravo, whoever you are – you win the internet. No, seriously, the whole internet – it's yours. Have fun with it and please let us lesser mortals continue using it.

As always, I am accepting prompts, however, I am not accepting prompts through reviews. If you wish to give me a prompt, please see the Accepting Prompts section of my profile for instructions. Thank you.

I. H. Scribe


	7. Seltzer (Also No Pie)

Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter

Characters: Sherlock Holmes

Prompt: Sherlock successfully avoids the pies, only to get a seltzer to the crotch

Prompt Made By: picabone99

Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless _I. H. Scribe_ is listed after _Prompt Made By_ chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

* * *

Sherlock had done it!

He had managed to dodge all the pies by predicting where the newest one would be. Sherlock would never admit to jumping up and down and cheering, regardless of whatever video Harry had for proof. He heard a hissing noise and turned around. Perhaps he had been celebrating too soon and there was another pie?

No.

It was a seltzer bottle.

Suddenly the end of the seltzer bottle burst open, sending the bottle flying forward into Sherlock's crotch. Sherlock spent the next few minutes in too much pain to think.

After he recovered, he decided not to celebrate so hard next time he dodged all the pies. That seltzer trap – set to a type of motion detector no doubt – was truly vicious.

* * *

"I've got no idea where that even came from," Harry said, as he uploaded the video to YouTube and sent Mycroft and John the link. "I don't even have any seltzer bottles."

Behind Harry, invisible, Kreacher snickered happily. If the stupid muggle didn't want to get hit with something, it shouldn't be going after Master Harry's safe. Kreacher didn't know why the Master only used _pies_ of all things to hit the muggle with. He didn't even put any acid in them to eat the muggle's face away!

Silly Master Harry. Stupid muggle.

* * *

Have you looked at the Wikipedia article for a seltzer bottle? The picture its (currently, as of me writing this) got at the top looks awfully scary to hit anywhere, much less a man's groin.

Poor Sherlock.

Mycroft getting pied is next chapter. Moriarty's _should_ be right after that, but I don't have that one written completely yet.

As always, I am accepting prompts, however, I am not accepting prompts through reviews. If you wish to give me a prompt, please see the Accepting Prompts section of my profile for instructions. Thank you.

I. H. Scribe


	8. Chocolate Pie (Mycroft) (Triple Prompt)

Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter

Characters: Mycroft Holmes, Harry Potter

The following prompts just went so well together, so I did them all together.

Prompt 1: Mycroft getting pied

Prompt 1 Made By: namae1809

Prompt 2: Mycroft getting the videos of Sherlock

Prompt 2 Made By: Queen of the Ice

Prompt 3: Chocolate Pie

Prompt 3 Made By: RuneWitchSakura

Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless _I. H. Scribe_ is listed after _Prompt Made By_ chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

* * *

Mycroft wasn't completely sure what Sherlock had been doing in 221C, but as he kept coming out covered in something – the few cameras that had survived Sherlock's bug sweep couldn't quite make it out – he thought it was high time he investigated. Mycroft himself would be doing the investigating, as the person in question was close to his brother.

After getting the keys – Mrs. Hudson had a soft spot for Mycroft almost as large as the one she had for Sherlock – and unlocking the door, Mycroft pushed the door open with his umbrella, and walked into 221C warily.

Nothing seemed out of place. There were no large messes, which in itself was strange considering Sherlock had just recently come out of the apartment covered in something; perhaps Potter had already been by to clean it?

A pie fell from the ceiling and landed on Mycroft's head with a wet sounding _plop!_ Mycroft froze as the thin aluminum pie pan slowly slid off his head and down his face.

_Well, at least its chocolate pie_, thought Mycroft.

* * *

Harry entered his apartment to find a very annoyed man standing in the middle of his kitchen, bits and pieces of a chocolate pie still sliding off his head.

"Is there any particular reason you're in my apartment, Mister...?"

"You may call me M."

"Ah, you'd be Mycroft then. John warned me I'd be getting a visit from you soon."

Mycroft rolled his eyes, huffed, and said, "I came to see whatever it is that my brother has been doing in your apartment."

"And I can see you found out," Harry replied.

"I…this is what he's been doing? Getting hit with pies?"

"Yep. I even have videos."

"...Show me."

* * *

Mycroft forgave him for the chocolate pie, on the condition that he was notified whenever there was a new video. Rather than have Mycroft or his assistant – Liza today – come over and pick up a copy, Harry decided it would be much easier to get a YouTube account, and just make the videos private, only sending the links to Mycroft, and perhaps Sherlock's friend John.

* * *

Takes place before Sherlock finds out there are videos.

As always, I am accepting prompts, however, I am not accepting prompts through reviews. If you wish to give me a prompt, please see the Accepting Prompts section of my profile for instructions. Thank you.

I. H. Scribe


End file.
